DATE SURVIVAL

Learning to be single in a married world...
Learning to be single in a married world...
Healing Your Heartbreak

You can surf the Internet for weeks and buy every self-help book on the shelf, but you are going to be hard pressed to find anything that will really give you the secret to healing a broken heart. The "clinical" will advise you to dive into a deep period of self-evaluation and improvement. The "bitter" will try and fire you up with general hatred for the opposite sex and the "optimists" will always tell you, "don't worry--Mr. Right is still out there." However, when the pain of a broken heart is ravaging your body any words of wisdom seem more like trying to talk a virus out of creating an infection. Just like there is no magical drug that can cure a virus, you have no other choice but to let your broken heart just run its course.

The symptoms of "heartbreak" manifest themselves differently in every individual. While most men find comfort in distractions like work and sports, most women need the relief of tears and talking. However, heartbreak doesn't always differentiate itself by gender. There are plenty of men who have buried themselves under a comforter for days after losing the love of their life and there are plenty of women who spent years in denial--avoiding serious relationships for fear of getting hurt.

It is always amazing how one person can affect your life so dramatically simply by ceasing to be a part of it. If you think about it logically, breakups shouldn't even be painful at all. You were a functional person before you even knew this person existed so why should you be turned into an emotional puddle when they leave? When this person was a stranger you didn't care if your phone rang or worry if you were going to see them on a Saturday night. Why does it matter now?

There may be no real answer to those questions. Just like love has been called an incurable disease, the devastation of losing someone may simply be just an emotional enigma. The only thing you know is that you can know for sure is time is your enemy as well as your friend and that keeping busy is your only real comfort.

When you dealing with heartbreak, happy people are the worst people to seek out for advice. When you're down the last thing you need is to hear an eternal optimist try and tell you that "everything will be ok." You want someone that can understand and identify with your pain. Heartbreak has this horrible way of making you feel like you're alone in the world and happy people tend to have this amazing ability to alienate that condition.

This is not to say you should seek out the depressed. Unhappy people can also have a toxic effect when it comes to heartbreak. There's nothing that can make you feel worse than getting into a game of dueling misery. "You think you've got problems? Let me tell you about my life!" Misery may love company but when it comes to throwing a pity party there's usual only room at the table for one. The type of person that can help the heartbroken is someone who has truly lived life. This doesn't mean that they should be into Extreme Sports or are a CIA Agent. They just need to be a person who has experienced both good times and bad. Empathy is both soothing and healing to the heartbroken.

Unfortunately, it's also a quality that many people lack. Too many have had the misfortune of living their lives in a plastic bubble creating a world view that is both annoying and unrealistic. They solve every problem with a simple, "get over it." Somehow when someone imparts to you the notion, "I've been there and it does get better," you can actually start to feel something positive like hope.

Most heartbroken people don't lose sense of the logical. Yes, it's not the end of the world. Yes, they will get over it. Yes,they will eventually find someone new. Yes,they know they can find someone better. If you're heartbroken and can't understand this reality--then maybe you need professional help. However, all the logic in the world does not help quell the emotional turmoil that heartbreak create in the present. The pain, the obsessive need for "closure", even the unstoppable desire to call your ex. You can clean out ever closet, shop until you're broke, take hundreds of bubble baths and heartbreak still won't magically go away. When the pain is finally over those activities were merely a way to "kill time" while you heal.

This is the moment when time has now become your friend. When you first got your heart crushed, you hated time for passing so unbearably slow. Finally, enough time has passed that you actually feel better. You found proof that time does actually "heal all wounds." No self-help books or cleansing rituals can accomplish what the simple passage of time can.

So, as you seek advice on how to heal your heartbreak there is still no grand conclusion here. These words merely serve as another distraction from all the pain you feel inside. The time you spent reading this is merely more time you spent on the road towards feeling better. Confused? How do you heal your heartbreak? Just keep killing time.

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