Learning to be single in a married world

Date Survival
We Were on a break

ARTICLES

Breaking up is never an easy thing. But these days, it seems you need a lawyer to clearly hash out the details of any failed relationship.  After all, there are so many reasons to end a relationship.

'I can't stand the air you breathe anymore'

'I've fallen in love with someone else and they're better in bed.'

'I've joined a monastery.'


However, when relationships are ending because of emotional confusion, things are never so clear.


 'I'm not sure what I want anymore.'

'I need time to figure things out.'

'Maybe we need to take a break.'


Just what exactly is this 'break?'  I've never been one to support the idea. It almost seems like a 'Breakup For Free Card'.  You temporarily get out of the relationship to sort out your emotions with an almost perfect guarantee that the other person will be waiting for you when you're done.  When you hear 'take a break' over 'break up' that immediately plants some sort of subconscious hope in the other person's head that the situation would actually work out.  Well, when you look at how much good it did for Ross and Rachel on 'Friends', you have to ask yourself, 'is it really such a good idea?'


If your need to go is greater than your need to stay, then by all means go. Unfortunately, this is the real world and people are human. If you choose to give up the person you're with someone may actually scoop him or her up before you have your proverbial 'change of heart.  If you want to go, you just have to take your chances that you may actually be leaving for good.  This is what 'breaking up' is all about.

One other drawback to these 'murky' relationship closing is that is seems to put a statue of limitations on either partner's ability to start dating again.  You could be dating six weeks, six months or six weeks but if you immediately date after 'taking a break' it prompts a 'Wow, you didn't waste anytime replacing me?'

Isn't it bad enough that we're devoting our time to bad relationships over and over again? Once we are given and ticket to freedom shouldn't we make the best of it right away.  Some may see it as unhealthy to go from relationship to relationship.  Others may see it as cathartic.  No matter what, it should be left up to the individual to decide.  As long as they are free from their commitment contract with their former partner, an individual should be free to do as they wish, without consequence.

  If the two broken partners return to each other what happened during 'the break' should have no effect on their reconciliation.  It has in effect already become the past.  As long as there are not loose ends the couple should be doing nothing else but planing for they're new beginning together.  Unlike our sitcom couple Ross and Rachel who couldn't get past the fact that Ross had an intimate encounter while, they were on a break. Couples should be mature enough that when you are broken up that automatically gives each the right to date other people.

After a breakup people date for different reasons. Some date as a distraction while some are really emotionally ready to find someone else again. Some people may

choose not to date at all. There is no right or wrong answer here. It all depends upon the individual. The most important thing to consider is it's their choice.

Why should anyone put his or her life on hold waiting for an old lover to return?  That day may never happen. It's not your responsibility to keep the doors open for reconciliation. The responsibility falls in the hands of the person who actually left.  They are the ones going through the process that may inevitably draws them back to their partner.   They are the one taking the risks.

If you're going through a breakup, are "on a break" or whatever ridiculous label you want to put on the same concept, your only responsibility is to be good to yourself. Your partner may never return and that is the cold, hard reality of the situation. If you spend your time away living your life to the fullest and filling in whatever holes that were left behind with positive experiences then you will win no matter what.

We should always be on the road to self-improvement. Finding ways to better yourself from the relationship lessons you've learned is always a good thing. If your partner returns they'll appreciate you even more because not only did they not realize what they gave up, they took for granted your tremendous potential.  If your partner doesn't return you still win. It's just fates way of telling you that the new and improved you will soon find something even better.